January 2004 / Volume Five / Issue One
Mather Schneider

"There is no way a beautiful woman can live up to what she looks like
for any appreciable length of time. "

Kurt Vonnegut

It was our first date and how was I to know
she'd talk nonstop for six hours and then get
pissy because I got so drunk as if I had anything
else to do while listening to her but tilt
my head back and toss them down and all
the issues and "baggage" and crap that
these thirty eight year old women carry around and
their precious children who they claim
to be the most important things and yet
seem to do their best to warp and naturally
her last boyfriend was thirty years older than her and the
one before that was a drug addict and
beat her and the one before that was a second
cousin and all this I took with a smile nothing
surprises me I'm a man of the world besides she
did look pretty good though the question all
men must ultimately ask themselves is do
any of them look good enough for what they
put us through for what we put ourselves through and when
I finally got her back to my place I found
myself too drunk to perform but the funniest
thing is that she left her telephone number on
my desk anyway where it
stayed for several days until
gradually sliding back to the wall and then
down through the crack to a
place I never clean.
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