|January 2008 / Volume Eight / Issue One|
I'm sorry but I just don't know what to say
About ken and Barbie breaking up
It seems small frivolous petty even
But damn it if ken and Barbie can't keep it together
Weren't they supposed to be the perfect couple?
Weren't they what young girls should aspire to?
Not any more
Now it's wass'up boys, bye bye ken
Time to start whoring it up
Look, big pithy black woman on Vh1 thinks it's great,
Says "work it girl!"
No, they can't quit on us, we need them to be together, I need them to be together!
This is important dammit! Like George Washington hacking up that cherry tree.
Because, what if he'd lied about it?
We all know there never was a cherry tree
George Washington's father may have hated cherries and trees
Wishing to burn the lumber industry to the ground proclaiming that everything including pillows Should in fact and indeed be made of granite
But none of that matters because he stands up and tells the truth
"I can not tell a lie."
Which, is what we should all do,
Instead of blaming that Jefferson kid down the street.
These should be our hopes and dreams
Telling the truth and marriages that last
How about a new series featuring conflict resolution toys, make a little money
Ken sleeps on couch because he didn't take executive Barbie out to celebrate her big promotion?
Couch sold separately
Or, Barbie does dishes with ken
He could wear an apron,
Dishes sold separately
What if we explained that people need to work at a marriage
That it's not easy to tell the truth and be married
I know it seems boring and uninteresting
But you're wrong…
Ken & Barbie have make-up sex
For adults only
Circle bed and sex toys sold separately
So what that the divorce rate is over 50%
And she doesn't love me anymore
And it is due to lying and cheating
We still need examples to live by
I want examples to live by
George Washington didn't lie,
And ken and Barbie should not be broken up.
Because what else are we saying,
America , even the toys can't keep it together.
|RETURN TO JANUARY 2008|