April 1998 / Volume One / Issue Two
Vladimir Swirynsky
My Favorite Slam Poem

Laugh if you like but I want to be a maggot,
the worm in the apple, a human jackal
The ultimate bible belt
eye for an eye, Jesus will save you
excuse my foot in the door salesman

If you want some of that pie in the sky--
Listen up!
Just sign on any dotted line
The get out of town fast
Let someone else become the bigger fool

I say fuck the spotted owl-- who gives a hoot
anyways, this critter has more rights,
privileges and receives more protection than
any other citizen under our sacred Constitution
What's wrong with this picture?

In the sixth grade we all wrote a composition on what I did during my
summer vacation The teacher told me "It's good but you can do a lot better"
I wanted to scream out-- "You idiot, no I can't because someone else wrote
it for me" but I didn't

I'm here to tell you that I'm broke
I've been slapped more times than the Three Stooges
Ashamed to tell anyone that I'm a purse snatcher
who delivers pizza for a living
So last night I asked for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The woman I was with said,
"That's not how you spell sex"

And you're probably thinking, that I'm thinking
poor, poor pitiful me-- well you're right!
You can bet the mortgage on the house and your
sweet pu-tu-tee that Argentina isn't gonna cry for me

Sometimes life comes down to just this

          One night a week out with the boys
          Playing poker-- five players
          Chinese carry-out
          Two liters of diet pepsi,
          one regular
          Three napkins,
          Two subs for the big boys
          Seven card stud, two dollar limit
          Duces wild, one winner

And Lord--
please don't let anyone catch me cheating
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