once again near tears, I hold you close
and never so again mention these subjects to you.
Only later alone, I will
often chill and empty my feelings into the pit of my stomach
that you would reproduce yourself with your relatives.
I did not know then that this was the way of your family.
Long after I discover tears for all this,
putting you behind me, as if you could end it,
just as one finishes a kiss or a family fuck . . .
I pull back from months of your embrace–
But suddenly you seem confused:
You dismiss me in a way that begins
a pattern you will always repeat–
"I will not be here forever, you know that?
In two years I will leave here and move to Europe,
for that has always been my dream."
I think nothing of that and give you the wrong answer:
"Great, I've always wanted to live there. I'll go with you."
Between us never a harsh word,
and the only minor concern was yours,
that given my experience with so many lovers
you fear that you will never trust me, for you
never knew that in loving you
I would never
love another, never desire to be with anyone else again but you–
Awe and respect fill my vision:
Laura already has me
even before the waiter brings the check.
I kiss her cheek and hug her
at her front door, turn and walk away more alive than ever,
more in love than I ever thought possible in this my good life,
failing. I'm afraid to say, to see
as I 'd turn my back that her
lovely face shifts into a skull,
which can only smile forever;
My awe equals Laura's anger--
for the evil of her other men, she will hold me accountable.
