August 2001 / Volume Two / Issue Two
Joel Evard

I read the wisdom on the bathroom walls
And followed it to hell
I turned my car into a missile
Set the cruise control at mach 1
And aimed it at the most offensive thing I could find
I sold my soul on e-bay for $27.50
I ate glass and shit a ming vase
To put the flowers you sent me in
I bought something that reminded me of you and destroyed it
I bought something that reminded me of me and destroyed it
I wrote something that reminded me of us
And promptly forgot what it was about
I found religion
Called it .357
Aimed it at my head
And it backfired
I had an eight month long one night stand
And called it love
I started a relationship with God
Called him Bob
And asked Him what it was all about
And he said
"If you drink this beer really,really,really,fast
you'll forget for a few seconds."
So i did.
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