September 2002 / Volume Three / Issue One
Diana Cleveland
I lost myself
   Somewhere in these 300 pages
    Miles upon miles stretching out to reach the unseen horizon
    Gambling that somewhere beyond
There is an end
My eyes devoured every page
           Iíve starved myself of this comfort
           Just so when I do indulge myself there is nothing that can save me
Nothing that can stop me
Nothing that I can resist
I am at the mercy of the next page
You play, you win
You play, you lose
You play
And it is you
      Now
That drives me
That song that I sang to you is on the god-forsaken radio remind
me of you
Of your words
Of last night
And how your voice seeped through me
ďknow Iím there
when you are alone againĒ
here you are, chasing my thoughts
youíve proved yourself true
and I am at the mercy of the next song
you play
you win, you play you lose, you play
and Iím constantly forgetting my truths
my past
the memories I hide so well from myself
from my heart that I dropped back on the horizon
I am without a heart
            It is in anotherís hands
Beating still
Starving and vile
I am without love
To give
Or know
Or have
I live in a world of my own turbulent remainders
reminders that Iíve drawn myself in pieces
embossed on the front of my notebook
To remind you that I am not whole
Iíve drawn myself draped in passion
           Chaotic
           Devouring
I feed off of every word
Constantly at the mercy of your next thought
Iíve played
          And won
Iíve played
          And lost
But still I play
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