I’m such an asshole
I go shopping in my pajamas and sunglasses
I cut in line
I duck if I see anyone I know
I’ll take a parking space you’ve been waiting for
For twenty fucking minutes
Because I don’t care if you hit my car
I don’t have insurance
It’s a miracle every time it starts
And I’ve got some munchies to grab
While this buzz is still strong
I wont ask you how your day was
And I’ll kill you all with my second hand smoke
If you are my friend
You wont hear from me for months or even years
Then I will call you up or email you
At some ridiculously inopportune time
To ask you to get me pot
You will make the arrangements
And I’ll be awkward and condescending when we make the transfer
Because I’ve grown so introverted
That I cant deal with social situations
The cycle will repeat itself and you wont hear from me again
For months or years
If you loan me money when you are drunk,
I will lie and tell you you didn’t.
I would drink your last beer
Smoke your last smoke
Eat your last candy bar
And use your last tampon
Hell
I’d even not answer the phone
For days and days
And I don’t
People don’t call anymore
Sometimes I wonder if I should care
Im an asshole
And I love to go grocery shopping in my pajamas and sunglasses