May 2004 / Volume Five / Issue Two
Joel Evard
I just wanna scream...until veins burst, until broken vocal chords refuse to make another sound, until eyes are drowned in blackness from the pressure i have created in the back of my skull with the blaring question...................................
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT???"
What did you expect here in the land of the cell phone
of the Mary-Kate and Ashly Olson clothing line
the kind of place where happy, well fed, young women who are married to khaki clad CEOs (who have probably been cheating on them from day one) drive by in SUVs bearing the slogan
"God loves you" and i wish that just made everything all peachy again but all i can think is
"God doesn't pay my fuckin' bills lady"
Hell i don't even pay my bills anymore.....I got bills that have bills that need credit cards to pay off their loans.................................
But what did you expect?
In the world of the free car wash with a full tank of over priced gas?
The land of fast food that isn't all that fast and barely qualifies as food
Here in the land of  "undeclared" war and jokes about stuff that ainít really funny......but we gotta laugh to keep from crying right?!
But what did you expect?
Here in the land of the disposable lover and the re-usable condom
Of the one night "sit" cause even standing for it takes too much effort
Here in the land of the generation gap
Gap clothes, Gap for newborns, Gap for toddlers, Gap for teens
Before long they'll have Uncle Gap and Granpa Gap
An entire mall dedicated to the whole Gap family reunion
And then some whiz will get a bright idea and put an outlet store in the parking lot for "Punk Rock Gap"
You know, the illegitimate child left over from when Mens Gap cheated on Maternity Gap with her underage cousin Gadzooks
But what did you expect??????????
I know what i expected.
I expected to go to college and party
To get a job that actually paid me enough to live on, to Ha Ha Ha Ha....fall in LOVE.
I expected to have my quirky sit-com life with my quirky sit-com friends in my two-car-garage-wood-trim-quirky-fucking-sit-com-HOUSE!!!!!!
I expected to be happy
Course i forgot that the constitution only guarantees the PURSUIT of happiness
It was the media that told us we could actually have it
And don't give me that zen inner-happiness bullshit either
That's like poor people saying"Money isn't everything"
And people who couldn't get laid at a porn convention saying they prefer celibacy...........................................
I just wanted to be happy.
And she said
"What did you expect?...........For it to all just fall into your lap?"
and i said
"Sure........why not?"