January 2006 /Volume Seven / Issue One
J.J. Campbell
a long road to redemption

i'm slowly drowning here in my
inability to chase away my past

my cousin's teenage nipples
in my mouth at age four

my father's hands wrapped
around my neck as i prayed
to pass out and die

the first time i got a rope, a
ladder and thought about
climbing a tree

the night i drank a bottle of
nyquil and decided to light
a bonfire

the smell of burning flesh
is still fresh in my mind

the joy of being the white kid
in my part black part nigger
part white childhood in a
forgotten suburb

to finding the right one only to
find out that she likes girls

to finding the other right one
only to realize that you work
better together as friends

that is until the fiancee is
uncomfortable with the
knowledge that the best
friend once had his dick
in the soon to be wife's ass

drinking and driving

searching for a cheap thrill

an easy whore that can cough

a gun that won't get jammed

but this solitary road is filled
with forks and you can rest
assured i've taken nothing but
wrong paths

the therapy never worked

the alcohol turned into torture
for pleasure

and i'm too poor to afford the drugs

closing in on thirty

my hope is fading like paint on
a car deserted in the sun

it's a long road to redemption when
you have no fucking desire to walk
the path at all

let alone trying to do it with only
the help of past demons, yes people
and fellow tortured souls that
wouldn't mind a death sealed with
hollywood approval

thank god i was blessed with good
looks, an athletic body and a silver
spoon in my mouth


that's my imaginary friend of my
youth i'm thinking of

i bet that fucker still gets more
pussy than me

the bastard

didn't even have the courtesy to take
me along when he made his escape