i'm slowly drowning here in my
inability to chase away my past
my cousin's teenage nipples
in my mouth at age four
my father's hands wrapped
around my neck as i prayed
to pass out and die
the first time i got a rope, a
ladder and thought about
climbing a tree
the night i drank a bottle of
nyquil and decided to light
a bonfire
the smell of burning flesh
is still fresh in my mind
the joy of being the white kid
in my part black part nigger
part white childhood in a
forgotten suburb
to finding the right one only to
find out that she likes girls
to finding the other right one
only to realize that you work
better together as friends
that is until the fiancee is
uncomfortable with the
knowledge that the best
friend once had his dick
in the soon to be wife's ass
drinking and driving
searching for a cheap thrill
an easy whore that can cough
a gun that won't get jammed
but this solitary road is filled
with forks and you can rest
assured i've taken nothing but
wrong paths
the therapy never worked
the alcohol turned into torture
for pleasure
and i'm too poor to afford the drugs
closing in on thirty
my hope is fading like paint on
a car deserted in the sun
it's a long road to redemption when
you have no fucking desire to walk
the path at all
let alone trying to do it with only
the help of past demons, yes people
and fellow tortured souls that
wouldn't mind a death sealed with
hollywood approval
thank god i was blessed with good
looks, an athletic body and a silver
spoon in my mouth
fuck
that's my imaginary friend of my
youth i'm thinking of
i bet that fucker still gets more
pussy than me
the bastard
didn't even have the courtesy to take
me along when he made his escape