January 2005 / Volume VI / Issue I
Ralph Baker

YOU'D THINK THEY DON'T SPEAK POLARI ANYMORE

So I’m washing dishes, and the door girl comes in,
There’s another girl with her, she grabs a mop.
I didn’t catch their conversation, but she says:
“That isn’t the worst thing I’ve had to clean up-
in this place."

We had to throw out this drag queen today;
She kicked up her heel as she slammed the door
It was almost adorable.

You learn real quick that even the statement;
“Don't worry, I don’t find you attractive
sexually,”
Is actually a type of come-on too.

I caught a guy with his head buried deep
between his girlfriend’s thighs in the loft;
they insisted I take a picture w/them.
To capture the moment or something.

I didn’t mention how long I stood watching
before making myself known; I still chuckle
every time someone eats off that same table.

So the door girl gets back, and I ask what happened;
“Some girl got drunk and pissed all around the toilet.”
I let that sink in a moment...
and the asked “How the fuck?....”

She goes “Some dykes will do anything–
to prove they can do it just as good as a man...”

I motherfucking love my job.
RETURN to JANUARY 2005