That crazed, mad, half-manatee,
half-human, Shel Silverstein drawing,
bearded, 14 yr old ventriloquist
has gotten a manager now, or
at least a teenage peer somehow
guilt-tripped into
playing the role.
They say hi to a cutie-pies &
talk shop w/ each other
in a store before The Big Show.
It’s a one-act play
on the sidewalk featuring an old
Charlie McCarthy doll missing monocle,
missing top hat, missing suit, &
now its got magic-marker-ed side-burns
& uni-brow & a dirty, gray undershirt
for its outfit.
The story goes that Charlie—
whose name has been changed
to Peanut—is tired of being tail-gated
in the city.
He longs for the open, country roads
of his childhood, but his job
is here in the city.
So he bought a bumper-sticker
for his pink Barbie car
that reads, Caution, Show Dogs!
There’s too much plot for
this Mtv generation audience &
they get restless for some
sex & violence.
The audience starts a-booing &
begins to look in trash-cans
for rotten vegetables
to throw.
When one person heckles the ventriloquist
about the whereabouts
of these dogs, he starts
to stutter.
The manager may not have a
prom-date & he may not
be passing any of his classes,
& he may not admit to his
secret crush on his 2nd cousin,
but he’s good in a jam, &
he steps in front of the crowd
& reaches into
his shirt pocket.
He pulls out two little Collies,
the size of very fat termites.
One barks like a whisper
in a theater, & the other
urinates a few droplets.
“Their names are Pissy & Missy,”
he says.
The audience quiets down, &
the ventriloquist continues
w/ the play.